My Prayer


I cursed my Heavenly Father. 


Then He suddenly answered my desperate 

prayer. 


Why?


He cares.  


Even when I find it hard to believe. 


Hard to breathe.  


I fall on my knees and beg Him for forgiveness. 


To never leave crazy me. 


I am the one that deserves to suffer on that old wooden cross.


I am the sinner. 


Not you my sweet Jesus. 


Me. 


You did nothing but unselfishly help everyone in your short time on this mess of a merry-go-round. 


You healed the fallen woman at the well. 


The woman that was possessed. 


The woman that bled forever and was unclean, rejected, all alone. No hope in sight. 


You alone shine the path at my feet. 


You try so very hard to direct my ways. 


Jesus, I know you don’t want me to stray. 


But I stray. 


Still. 


Over and over again I must have my own way. 


I think I know better. 


But that just leads to bitterness. 


Unhappiness. 


Tears. 


Sorrow. 


Pain. 


Shame. 


Will I ever learn my Daddy only wants the best for stubborn me before it’s too late and I’m standing at the pearly gates?


I don’t know because I’ve been on this spinning wheel for over six very long painful decades. 


Help me please my sweet Jesus just to 

trust and obey. 


To never stray again. 


Amen. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He

I lost it.  Absolutely lost it.  I could not contain the tears.  The shaking.  The fears.  Feeling as if my whole world was collapsing at my feet.  Defeated.  But that cannot be.  I cannot allow this lack of belief.  I know with a certainty that my God is in control.  I must stop looking at the world and just trust.  Just trust.  God sees my desperation.  We are not living on the streets.  We are not without.  We may not have what we want, but we always have what we need.  I may feel defeated.  But that’s a lie coming straight from hell.  And my God is bigger than anything.  Even this horrendous heat.  So I lay everything at my sweet Jesus’ feet.  After all, He is in control  Not me.  No one.  Only Jesus.  He. 
Read more

ODE TO MY SON’S CAT, PRINCESS DAISY, WHO SAVED ME

I have never been this calm and joyful my entire life.  All of it.  And it has been quite a bit and quite the fight.  I have the scars to prove it due to my twenty-two surgeries over these very long years.  And I am utterly delighted with that particular fact.  Because I am very proud to be able to say they are my battle scars.  My precious son calls me The Bionic Woman given all my lovely hardware holding me together.  Almost everywhere.  My head, neck, right arm and left ankle.  So you see, I happen to know a thing or two about miracles.  One of those is in my brain.  Insane! With the 18 screws, I look, without my hair, and I have been there a time or two, believe you me, quite like a big white took a hungry bite.  I shall never be the same.  Given the whole out of my body thing.  I know it may sound as if I might possibly be suffering from insanity to those lost souls who do not believe in miracles.  But I do ...
Read more

Forever

  Raped.  What other word could I possibly use to describe what he did to me? He lied.  Then he tried to get the better of me.  And he nearly did.  He stole    my hope. Joy.  Peace.  He stole a part of me.  But I won’t let him steal my faith.  No possible way.  Jesus is my Savior.  Forever.  Despite everything, He carries me.  I run to him and there He is.  Arms open wide.  A big smile on His beauteous face  Waiting for His hurting child.  Always.  To the very end of my tumultuous broken life. 
Read more